An Unpleasant Case of Deja-Vu

That probably looks really grim, considering the last post. But things are actually alright here. Anyway. On the first of July, two years ago, I wrote:

"Dear Brain: Shut up. Or think about something else. Your nagging over the past three days has become annoying to the point where I'm considering a lobotomy via crochet hook.

Dear Heart: Stop agreeing with the brain. You two are supposed to always be conflicting, and it's unsettling when you agree. Also, stop trying to make your way onto my sleeve; you don't belong there.

Dear Subconscious: No. Just no.

Dear Cupid: STOP SHOOTING ME, YOU LITTLE PEST! I get it, okay? The issue has been dealt with so go pick on someone else!

*grumble* My mind needs an off switch."

A few days ago I came to a horrifying realization: Here we are again, with the same thoughts for the same reason. The person is different though, which I'm grateful for because, damn it's been forever. But still. Gimme a break. Stuck writing poetry about this nonsense, my fingers are slipping up typing the most irritating and embarrassing Freudian slips... *headdesk* The issue has not been dealt with though, nor do I think it's going to be. I remember what happened the last time, and I'm really not willing to go through that a second time when I already know the outcome. Just wastes time.

Hopefully what worked before will work again and life will return to some semblance of normal. After all, if you lie to yourself enough, you might end up believing it. Bergen Evans, you genius you, lying really IS an indispensable part of making life tolerable. For now though, share my... Whatever this is. Frustration? Horror? Absolute shock and dismay?

The entire point of loving everyone was to make it so I wouldn't end up loving anyone. Not that way, at least. Jeez, brain, get with the program.

Just How Long? (I Lie to You)

Easy breathing and a steady heart beat
Soft thoughts; a gentle smile that you can't see
Times like this, when I'm raw and real and weak
I thank Heaven that you're blind to me

I don't want to permit this
But I can't push back what I know
So here I stay, with my head in the clouds
And my heart so far below

What I feel, what I fight
The truth stares back in frightened eyes
I pause and wonder, just how long have I been lying to you?
And for just how long will I continue to?

Shoot me now, before this worsens into something more than a twelve-line poem.

Lynx