An Unpleasant Case of Deja-Vu

That probably looks really grim, considering the last post. But things are actually alright here. Anyway. On the first of July, two years ago, I wrote:

"Dear Brain: Shut up. Or think about something else. Your nagging over the past three days has become annoying to the point where I'm considering a lobotomy via crochet hook.

Dear Heart: Stop agreeing with the brain. You two are supposed to always be conflicting, and it's unsettling when you agree. Also, stop trying to make your way onto my sleeve; you don't belong there.

Dear Subconscious: No. Just no.

Dear Cupid: STOP SHOOTING ME, YOU LITTLE PEST! I get it, okay? The issue has been dealt with so go pick on someone else!

*grumble* My mind needs an off switch."

A few days ago I came to a horrifying realization: Here we are again, with the same thoughts for the same reason. The person is different though, which I'm grateful for because, damn it's been forever. But still. Gimme a break. Stuck writing poetry about this nonsense, my fingers are slipping up typing the most irritating and embarrassing Freudian slips... *headdesk* The issue has not been dealt with though, nor do I think it's going to be. I remember what happened the last time, and I'm really not willing to go through that a second time when I already know the outcome. Just wastes time.

Hopefully what worked before will work again and life will return to some semblance of normal. After all, if you lie to yourself enough, you might end up believing it. Bergen Evans, you genius you, lying really IS an indispensable part of making life tolerable. For now though, share my... Whatever this is. Frustration? Horror? Absolute shock and dismay?

The entire point of loving everyone was to make it so I wouldn't end up loving anyone. Not that way, at least. Jeez, brain, get with the program.

Just How Long? (I Lie to You)

Easy breathing and a steady heart beat
Soft thoughts; a gentle smile that you can't see
Times like this, when I'm raw and real and weak
I thank Heaven that you're blind to me

I don't want to permit this
But I can't push back what I know
So here I stay, with my head in the clouds
And my heart so far below

What I feel, what I fight
The truth stares back in frightened eyes
I pause and wonder, just how long have I been lying to you?
And for just how long will I continue to?

Shoot me now, before this worsens into something more than a twelve-line poem.

Lynx

Heavy

It's the only word I can think of to describe how things feel right now. It's not that things are chaotic right now; quite the opposite. Things seem calm. But it feels charged, like there's tension just below the surface. It makes me nervous. I don't know if I'm just being hypersensitive and expecting things to go downhill because that's how it always happens, or if it's something actually happening. There's pressure here; I know it. But I don't know why or when or where. It's calm for now, but it feels like the calm before the storm. I want to believe that it's just my cynicism, but... My cynicism is usually right.

I'm nervous. Fidgety. Anxious in a way that I can't explain.

Two nights ago, I started having flashbacks again. Of 2010. I don't understand why. Is it some sort of freak premonition, or just my subconscious playing cruel games with me? I know things aren't going perfectly here, but... It's nothing that can't be worked around. Mom seems happy, but there again... She did before, too. I really don't want to believe that she would do something like that again, she DID promise, after all.

But promises are easy to break.

I hope I'm just being paranoid. But until this tension clears, I don't think I'll be able to relax. Everything feels so tense, but maybe it's me. No matter. From here on, I watch that woman like a hawk. I don't repeat mistakes.

Ciao,

Lynx

"They say wisdom comes with time. That's not quite true. Wisdom comes with experience. Time and experience often go hand-in-hand, but not always. I haven't had much time, not really, but I've seen and experienced much. Wisdom is learned, not bestowed on you with silver hair." -- Your's Truly

1606 Marathon

That's home now.

Okay, so it has been for almost a week now. Our... Everything, really, is still in boxes, but we're getting through it day by day. At least we're not paying for the house and its utilities, plus the rent on the apartment AND the rent on the storage unit. That really adds up, just saying.

Other than that... Not a whole lot has happened.

I may or may not have ranted my fears about the Envision Global Science Forum... Actually, I'm not sure I ever even mentioned it. Basic rundown: one of the most terrifying yet rewarding experiences of my life to date. Flew out to Washington, D.C. and caught a cab to the Marriot (The biggest hotel in D.C... Thanks, Bellhop, for making me feel even more uncomfortable than I already did.)... Was directed to the dinner hall/ ballroom THING (I am so unaccustomed to fancy things...) for dinner and the welcome speech. I have never felt so out of place. But, I put on the bravest face I could and did my best to make friends. Somehow ended up being the first official speaker of the forum to introduce on of our presenters... I'm still not sure how that happened. And so, weird things kept happening. Made some good friends that later became my group for our project collaborative... Also became said collaborative leader. I'm not sure how THAT happened, either.

Long story short, I actually had a really good time, and contrary to popular belief, was able to make some wonderful friends from all over the world. I'd do it again in a heartbeat... Actually, let me rephrase that. I'd do it again if I had the funds. ^.^ I came back a completely different person, with tons more confidence than I've ever had before. So all good there.

Usually, this is where I'd add the downer section of the post and complain about all the things that aren't that great right now, especially my mother. But... Nah.

So, anyway, I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to the DMV to get my state ID and make this whole thing official. Yay. Lines. Haha.

Ciao,

Lynx

3.6.2014

Because I really can't think of a title for this. ^.^ Hey all!

Stuff keeps happening, doesn't it? Our house is being sold! Yaaaay! Of course, that had its own little fiasco too, so I'll be glad when it's all said and done...

Never let a relative of the buyer do your home inspection... They will try to screw you. Fact.
Yep, we got an offer on our house and got allllllll the way to the home inspection... Then on the report the inspector wrote that the ceiling in the garage was falling down, we had no insulation, and there were no vents in our roof. Which is funny, because I think I'd notice if the ceiling was falling down, I WATCHED them put insulation in the walls when we put the siding up, and I can see two vents in our roof from my bedroom window... What it actually is is: The garage ceiling needs more drywall fastenings... IF you're going to store stuff up there. There's not 12 inches of insulation in the attic (Whoopee. There's no law saying there has to be either). And finally, this inspector is either blind, can't count, or is a total and utter dick. I hope he gets his. >.> So we rejected their post-inspection offer of 10k below the already 10k under asking price offer from before... That's a really messy sentence. Their original offer before the home inspection was about 10k below asking price... Then they wanted ANOTHER 10k off for imagined and embellished faults with the house. Yeah, no.

So then they came back with their original offer again, and I kind of wanted to tell them to shove it somewhere unpleasant... But I REALLY want to get out of here... So we accepted that. Now we just have to wait for their financing to (hopefully) go through and then we can close. Then all that's left is flying out to Vegas for a week, picking a house, buying it, and then moving all our shit... I mean, valuable possessions.
-.-;

Yeah, yeah, I know. There's still A LOT to do... But I'm just happy the rest of it doesn't involve dealing with a jerk-wad buyer and his slimy house inspector relative.

I'm also happy to be done with my political science class. That was... Awful. And completely useless. Seriously. I will never use ANY of what I was supposed to learn in that class. Promise. (Which is actually a good thing because, as you might have guessed from the previous sentence, I didn't actually learn anything...)
So now I'm happily in an English Comp class and I don't think I've ever been so glad to write a normal bloody paper. And speak English instead of politics. For all those who say that English is the messiest, most complicated language of the world... Try politics. It'll screw you up bad. <-- like my English was there. ^.^

I also started taking my health a bit more seriously and began working out consistently. I feel better. OH! I've been knitting a lot too. Of course, that's kind of normal for me, but it's nice to have a relaxing hobby that's so rewarding.

So yeah. Life is good. Crazy, but good.

Ciao,

Lynx

"I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

                                                                                                     --Mitch Hedberg

P.S: Because I kept forgetting... But here's a photo of the blanket I knitted for Christmas.

The quality kinda sucks though...

Happy 2014

Hey all!
Even though I have very few readers, I still feel the need and wish to say happy new year to every last one of them. So, happy new year!

2013 has been crazy. A lot of things didn't quite work out the way I had anticipated, and lots of plans either fell through or had to be drastically changed. C'est la vie. It happens. This year has taught me not to expect things to go exactly to plan, and to not get frustrated when one hits a snag. Good stuff, that.

I can't believe how fast this year has disappeared on us! Time just seemed to fly by, and  I definitely had a hard time keeping up. Hopefully 2014 will slow down a little bit.

That's my New Year's Resolution, and my advice to you: Slow down and take a second to enjoy what you've got and what you've accomplished before plowing on to the next thing. Savor your "moments" because they only last for a moment, and then they're gone.

Happy New Year, everyone, and best wishes in love, luck, health and happiness to all of you in 2014!

Ciao,

Lynx

A Less-Than Merry Christmas

So. Mom's in the hospital now. Heavy-- seriously guys, like WTF-- vaginal bleeding. I think it has something to do with her prolapse.

So, now she's off to the hospital. Tch. I've been nagging her to make an appointment for months, but she never listens to me.

*sigh* Chances are I'll be spending Christmas alone. Doesn't matter. As long as she's safe and okay, I'll be fine too.

I'm soo exhausted. I really overextended myself today, trying to cover for her and do everything. Pretty sore too, I'll feel that tomorrow... Well, today, now, I guess.

This red wine doesn't have nearly enough alcohol in it. >.> I guess this is what I get for being thankful that 2013 was free of serious medical emergencies (I refuse to count anything that happened to me because I'll always be fine. I'm too stubborn to have things go otherwise). Now I get one at the very end. And on Christmas, no less.

...Screw you, Universe.
If nothing else, it will be a quiet night tonight.

Happy and safe holidays to all, and all the best for the new year.

Ciao,

Lynx

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who

bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

                                                                               -- Lemony Snicket

Uuuugh, REALLY?

Okay, so you know how I had that funeral to go to and I said there was another relative that wasn't too far behind? Well, he died yesterday. Funeral is in a week. I really, really hope this isn't a sign of what's to come in 2014. That. Would Suck. Seriously.

So yeah. December's been... Sub-par, I suppose. What with people dying and me trying to figure out college funding and whatnot. Yikes. Things are moving along way too fast for me; I'm having a hard time keeping up. I glanced at my time and date display and almost had a heart attack. It doesn't feel like only two weeks since I was dancing like an idiot while cleaning my living room and putting up our Christmas tree. That feels like frecking AGES ago. *pout*

Anywho, Lynx wants a shower and a cup of tea to accompany her knitting. She feels as if this blanket is growing, because this last edge is taking for-frecking-ever. So Lynx would like to finish that tonight... She should probably stop speaking/ typing in third person. It's weird.

Ciao,

Lynx