Repeat Buttons

I think my life is stuck on one. We did terrible at the craft show, by the way. Didn't even come close to breaking even. About one hundred dollars short. *shrug* Oh well, live and learn.

During the craft show, Mom was being nice to me. I realize now that it was only because she wanted my help. Now that she doesn't need me anymore, she's back to being a mean crazy person. And I'm back to hiding in my room, 'cause I don't want to deal with her. No matter what I do or say, it's always wrong or sets her off. I don't try to. I don't even understand why some of these things garner such horrible reactions.

For example: Earlier today, when she got up, I went out and just casually asked what was on her agenda for the day- to see what she'd want my help with, or if we needed to go anywhere. I do this ALL THE TIME. And it's fine. Well, it was fine, anyway. She answered, but it was pretty curt. I assumed she was just still a little groggy or something. Then I asked if she happened to have  tape-measure at her desk; I wanted to measure my wrist, since all these bracelets I made are quite big on me, and I thought I'd made them about seven inches. Since I couldn't quite get the tape to cooperate, I asked if she would measure for me.

She chewed my head off before I even finished asking. O.o She said, and I quote, "Do you MIND if I finish eating, PLEASE." Said with the b-witchy tone and death glare to match. I said it was fine and all, and asked if something was wrong, since she seemed so edgy.

Apparently I was throwing all this stuff at her right after she got up and she wanted to finish breakfast in peace. She even took the time to mock the three questions I asked her and tag an exasperated, "And its like, Oh, MY GOD." at the end.

So I said never mind. I decided that if she's going to be like that and snap at me for speaking with her- it's not like I was nagging her and telling her to hurry up so we could get stuff done- then I really don't want to be around her. We were going to run a few errands today, but I'm pretty sure that's gonna have to wait. I'm not sure I feel like playing the mother figure to a fifty-one year old woman who acts like she's two more often than not.

I don't get her sometimes. Well, most times, actually. I can't figure this out. She says she's feeling better with her depression, but I'm having some second thoughts here. This snapping at people for ridiculous reasons was exactly how I was when my depression first started getting out of control. I think she lies at her therapy sessions. She doesn't like to be open OR analyzed OR told that she's at least part of the problem, if not the sole instigator. I can easily see her telling some sugary, syrupy story to convince her therapist that everything's fine and dandy over here. And her therapist can't telepathically know she's lying. Maybe I should accompany my mother to one of these appointments and set the record straight. there are definitely some problems here, and they need to be fixed quickly before I lose whatever's left of my patience and/or sanity.

So, anyway... Holed up in my room, where things are calm and I can think and sort out my thoughts without the fear of offending someone. Haha... Mom said she wanted to rearrange the living room to get the Christmas tree up today. Hope she doesn't want help with that, 'cause I think I'm gonna be VERY busy all of a sudden today. Avoiding her is a full-time job, you know. Takes mad skillz. ;)

Ciao,

Lynx

So, I've Been Busy.

Yeah. Yep. Still have a 4.0 in my classes though, so I'm pretty proud of that. I guess I'll just do a quick recap of what's gone on since September.

October was pretty quiet, except for Mom's occasional outburst... Or, maybe not so occasional. -.- Was getting ready for this craft show my mom decided to drag me into. She didn't even ask, really. She just said, "We're doing this; make stuff."

Originally, I was going to knit up some fingerless gloves, but soon realized they take too long to make for such a short-notice thing. I managed three pairs, but I think I'll save them and sell them at a later time when I have more.

November. I turned 21. Twenty-frickin-one! I wasn't really that excited about it, but I DID get a new tattoo. It's purty. lol We went up to Traverse City too, for that beading weekend thing. It was alright, if I pretend Mom didn't complain and be a total killjoy most of the time. >.> She's so negative. *sigh* The rest of the month was pretty quiet.

Now it's December. I started my first math class through Argosy. *shiver* I hope I can pull this one off; math has always, ALWAYS been my nemesis. Anyway... I've been making Kumihimo bracelets (Japanese braiding) for this craft show, but now I'm not so sure I even want to be a part of it. I usually work in my room- it's where I'm most comfortable and I can listen to whatever kind of music I want without hearing my mom and her snide comments. I went out to grab a snack and my mom- who was working in the kitchen- gives me this death glare. When I inquired as to why, she said that MY CAT had made a big mess, and because it was my cat then, by extension, it was my fault.

Gimme a break. It's not like I put the cat up on the island with orders to pounce in her glitter. I was justifiably irritated; I mean, SERIOUSLY? Sheesh. So I just grabbed a snack and went back in my room to finish my bracelet. After that was done, I went out to see what could be done about lunch. She was still fuming, and I mentioned that I expected an apology. She didn't give me one then, and when I demanded (Yes, I can do that now) an apology, she said it the most sneering, unconvincing way possible.

Well, if she's going to be like THAT, and blame me for everything that goes wrong in her life, she can tackle this craft show on her own. I've got no problems walking away; it wasn't my idea, and she didn't even ask if I wanted to help. Apparently she's also pissed at me because I don't help her get her projects done. I reminded her that I have my own projects to work on- that was the deal, thank you very much. So she yelled at me for waiting until the last minute. Honestly, what is with this woman? Last I checked, none of her stuff was done either. I don't quite understand why my priority needs to be helping her make up for her laziness rather than working on my own stuff. She's never offered to help me out, yet she expects me to drop everything so she'll have more stuff to sell. *headdesk*

Well, she was pretty mad at me for saying that I wasn't going to help her if she was going to treat me like crap, but I don't feel guilty. I think I was in my rights to feel that way. She needs to learn that my world does not revolve around her, and that I'm not going to sugar coat everything and spoon-feed it to her like a child. She's fifty-one years old, if she can't handle me being honest with her by now then she needs to grow up and get a reality check.

*sigh* You know, I still haven't figured out what I want for lunch. Maybe I'll just make some rice or something. We need to go grocery shopping again, I think. Should probably get the dishes done too, before they get out of hand... Laundry needs to be done as well. ... Meh.

Ciao,

Lynx