I Messed Up.

It was a mistake to put my schooling on hiatus while we prepared to sell our house and move. I should have stood firm against it. I should have seen this coming. And, at least partially, I did. But damn, that doesn't make it sting any less.

I put my dreams, my future on hold. So we could go after my mom's dreams and plans. I figured that a fresh start in a new place would be good for us both. I just hoped that everything would be over and done with before my mother said "Screw it."

Missed it.
'Cause that's what just happened.

So here I am, trying to drag her butt along to get this house ready for an open house tomorrow. She doesn't think we're going to get any interest.

Of course we won't if we don't even try... And her response was "whatever."
Whatever? WHATEVER?! She's fifty-two frecking years old and the only response she can come up with is whatever?! Gods above, I have patience, and tact, and empathy, but that only goes so far. Especially when she also mentioned that she doesn't care.

Doesn't care about what, exactly?
About the fact that I'm now the one trying to get this thing going again?
Or the one doing the vast majority of the work?
How 'bout how I'm trying to get her motivated and stay optimistic? (Which is really hard, btw)

Is it the house?
She doesn't care if it sells or not?
Well she should've thought about that BEFORE she put it on the damn market.

Or does she not care that I took six (very valuable) months off my schooling so we could have a shot at this?
That's what hurts me the most.
I was willing to do this for her, and now that things are tough and not going perfectly, she "doesn't care."

And I'm supposed to just be okay with that? I'm not. That's a really, awful, hurtful thing to say.

I thought that after everything we've gone through she'd at least understand by now that life doesn't always go the way we plan it to. Sometimes we get dealt a shitty hand, and there's nothing we can do but play it as best we can and hope the next round is better. Guess I overestimated her.

Too bad for me, though, 'cause we're in this, and I'm NOT letting us back out. She might half-ass her way through things and give up when it doesn't go her way, but not me. I finish what I start. I'm gonna sell this house. I'll find a way. And if I can't find a way, then I'll MAKE one. 'Cause that's how I do things.

And on that, I have a floor to mop, and cookies to bake. Let's hope for a few bites on this house tomorrow, yeah? And even if not, I'm not giving up.

Ciao,

Lynx

"I'd rather fight, and lose, then give up without even trying!"

                                                                        --Vanille, Final Fantasy XIII