A Less-Than Merry Christmas

So. Mom's in the hospital now. Heavy-- seriously guys, like WTF-- vaginal bleeding. I think it has something to do with her prolapse.

So, now she's off to the hospital. Tch. I've been nagging her to make an appointment for months, but she never listens to me.

*sigh* Chances are I'll be spending Christmas alone. Doesn't matter. As long as she's safe and okay, I'll be fine too.

I'm soo exhausted. I really overextended myself today, trying to cover for her and do everything. Pretty sore too, I'll feel that tomorrow... Well, today, now, I guess.

This red wine doesn't have nearly enough alcohol in it. >.> I guess this is what I get for being thankful that 2013 was free of serious medical emergencies (I refuse to count anything that happened to me because I'll always be fine. I'm too stubborn to have things go otherwise). Now I get one at the very end. And on Christmas, no less.

...Screw you, Universe.
If nothing else, it will be a quiet night tonight.

Happy and safe holidays to all, and all the best for the new year.

Ciao,

Lynx

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who

bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

                                                                               -- Lemony Snicket

Uuuugh, REALLY?

Okay, so you know how I had that funeral to go to and I said there was another relative that wasn't too far behind? Well, he died yesterday. Funeral is in a week. I really, really hope this isn't a sign of what's to come in 2014. That. Would Suck. Seriously.

So yeah. December's been... Sub-par, I suppose. What with people dying and me trying to figure out college funding and whatnot. Yikes. Things are moving along way too fast for me; I'm having a hard time keeping up. I glanced at my time and date display and almost had a heart attack. It doesn't feel like only two weeks since I was dancing like an idiot while cleaning my living room and putting up our Christmas tree. That feels like frecking AGES ago. *pout*

Anywho, Lynx wants a shower and a cup of tea to accompany her knitting. She feels as if this blanket is growing, because this last edge is taking for-frecking-ever. So Lynx would like to finish that tonight... She should probably stop speaking/ typing in third person. It's weird.

Ciao,

Lynx 

Once Upon A Time

I did a survey. It was a very long time ago, but I did post it on the previous blog, which I just went through a little while ago out of curiosity. So much has changed, I wonder if my answers have too?

  Everybody has a main best friend. Who's yours?      Hm. Probably Bear.

What are you listening to now?     The Agonist: Panaphobia

 What are your plans for tomorrow?    A funeral, as depressing as that is.

 In the past week, have you lost a friend?  I don't think so. A relative though, yes. Sadly

 Yelled at someone?  Nope.

What did you do today?Ehm... Some knitting. And dishes. And stuff. 

 Do you like flowers?  Love them.

Did you enjoy your day yesterday?  Yes, I do believe I did. Days are gifts

Hate is a strong word, who do you hate?    No one. Hate self-inflicted poison.

 Do you drink a lot of water? Probably not nearly as much as I should

Who did you last lay in a bed/couch/recliner with? Do my cats count? Otherwise, it's been longer                                                                                                                         than I can remember.

Where did you get your last bruise/scratch from? The shower, I think

 Have you ever thought you were gonna die?   Hm. I suppose I have.

 What kind of mood are you in today?   Resigned, I guess.

 What were you doing at 8 this morning?    Sleeping. XD

 How late did you stay up last nigh and why?  Oh, God. It had to be after two in the morning. Bad,                                                                                                                                           bad schedule

Do you miss anyone?   Yeah, I do. A couple people, actually

 Where did you get the top you're wearing?  The Elephant House in Edinburgh, Scotland.

  Ever been lied to be someone you thought would never lie to you? Of course I have.

What are you craving right now?   You know, I actually can't think of anything. I am content.         Do you want kids anytime soon?  Gods, no. I am many things, but I doubt a mother is one of them.

 Are you hiding something from someone  close to you? Not that I can think of, no.

 Is there something you want to tell someone, but can't?  No, not currently.

 Someone says to you now, "Let's go  to a party and get trashed." You say:"No thank you; but take pictures."

Will you sleep alone tonight?  Indeed. A single bed is a bit small for more than one, aye?

 Any plans for next weekend?  Eh. Probably cleaning and getting the house ready for Christmas Eve.

 Is there anyone you would seriously punch  right now if you had the chance?  Heaven's no.

What woke you up today?    My alarm

Anything good happening tomorrow? A funeral. So yeah, no.

Would you buy $1000 shoes if they were the "perfect" pair for you?  lol no. My pocket money is WELL below $1000. Sorry.

 Are you more laid back, or a perfectionist? I am a laid back perfectionist.

Do you find it disgusting when a boy bends over or   jumps and the top of his underwear can be seen? I think high school desensitized me; I have no comment.

When's the last time you deliberately skipped a class? Never. No reason, not worth it. 

 Last time you saw snow?     Well, the ground IS currently covered in it, so... yeah. December.

 Are you excited for next year?    Kind of. I just hope people stay healthy. Me included. lol

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?  Depends on the individual. I know I'd rather have a broken leg than a broken heart.

Can you play pool?  Lol naw. Whatever "skills" I might've had are  probably gone now.

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you?  That would require me dating them to begin with, so irrelevant question.

Do you believe in the saying "What goes around comes around"?  Indeed. Ah, Sweet Karma

 Are you missing anyone or something?   I suppose so... But didn't I answer that already?

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?  10 years is a long time. I guess anything's possible, but I wouldn't count on it.

 How fast does your mood change? Not too fast. I'm pretty consistent/ mellow.

 Do you want your tongue pierced? HELL YES! ... lol no. Sounds painful. And I have a hard enough time speaking properly as it is.

 How many children do you want? As I've said before-- I'm not so sure I'm cut out  to be a mother. I'll stick with my cats.

Are you a jealous person?  You know, I don't think so.

 You're thinking about someone, aren't you?  Consciously? Not so much, no.

 Do you like hugs?   I'm not sure. It's been so long since I've actually had a hug... I'm not sure how I'd respond anymore. >.>

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Absolutely. But I also believe that those second chances need to be earned.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Unfortunately, yes.

 Are you wasting your time on someone?  No. I don't waste time.

 Would you ever get a tattoo?    I have four. So yes, I guess I would.

Do you get along with girls?   Yeah. Where the flip did that come from?

Have you ever slapped someone in the face?    No. 

 Have you ever licked someone's forehead or cheek? Indeed I have. *chuckle*

Any upcoming events you're excited about? Well, Christmas is soon... 

Is there a secret you've never told your parents?  Yes. Though fewer than before.

Have you ever dyed your hair?  Yes I have.

 Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?    Yes. My dad's flannel shirts are extra comfy.

It's Too Early For This

Noon doesn't seem early, but I don't think there's ever a good time for this kind of news. Another relative passed away on Monday. His funeral is tomorrow.

He had cancer. Lots of cancer. It was in his bones, and in his brain, his kidneys were shutting down. I can't imagine he was comfortable, but I hope his passing was at least peaceful. His wife is taking it hard, I don't doubt. It's always hard but... Man, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

So there's another one gone. And apparently another still is at his final days, seeing as they're throwing the word Hospice around. I may well have another funeral to attend before the year is out. If not then, then I'm certain the first part of next. 2013 has been... bumpy.

Still, we move on. We have to. The world keeps turning no matter how much we struggle. Time waits for no one. With every black cloud there remains a silver lining. The dead might be lost, but never forgotten. So this Christmas season we should all be that much more thankful for the family we still have. Nothing lasts forever, so we should cherish our kin while we still can.

Now, enough of that. As I said, time waits for no one, and I have cookies to bake and a blanket to finish... Dishes to do and laundry. At least my knee finally fixed itself. I'd be grateful to not have to deal with that again-- I like being able to walk without a limp, it's faster.

Ciao,

Lynx

"The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it."

                                                                                                       --Mary Catherine Bateson

I am Puzzled

Can somebody please tell me why the fish I can't straighten my knee? It's been like this all day and it just won't... Do what I tell it to. >.> Does this count on my "My Knees are Stupid" counter thingy? Seriously, what the heck? It's like it's locked... But in a slightly bent position. It feels like the kneecap isn't quite right... Or something. Very irritating. Wellp, guess I'd better get to putting it back, if I can... Been trying all day with no luck. -.- Why can't I have normal problems like everyone else? *sadface*

Lynx. Yeah. I'm lazy and don't feel like formatting. *shrug*

It Looks So Pink...

"It" being my Christmas tree. I actually put it up early this year. Yaaay! This means I won't have to worry about it twenty minutes before the family gets here Christmas Eve. Yay again. But... It's so pink-ish looking. Like every other light is a pink one. Then again, I suppose that shouldn't be surprising. Pink is related to red, and red projects the farthest. *shrug* Yay for science. There's a lot of yay in this post.

I have no idea what I want to cook for dinner. I forgot to pull stuff out. Including bread. Dur. I'll think of something. After I let my body decompress and my brain stops spinning from going around the tree eighty-million times... @.@ Spinning bad.

I probably looked like such a dope earlier too, when I was cleaning the living room. Am I the only one that dances randomly while Swiffer-ing? My dance moves SUCK. lol.

Sooo yeah. The tree is up, the living room is clean, and I'm hungry but too lazy to get up and make something right now. Yep. All's well.

Ciao,

Lynx

I Did It Again.

Damn these knees... Though I suppose I can count myself lucky this time; Just a pop, not a full dislocation. Seriously though... ASKASFJSDLJFKSJF!!! Yeah.

I think I'm gonna have to do a post every time it happens, from now to July, since that's when the first dislocated knee happened, just to see how many times in a year this can happen. Hopefully it will stay at four, but to be honest, I'm not that optimistic.

Irritating. I need a bubble. Or a hamster wheel. Or something. I had a knee brace once-- borrowed it from my cousin. Gave it back since I could never figure out which knee to put it on. They're both loose and funky and messed up and ANNOYING AS... Y'know what? I'm over it.

My body's not. Apparently this hurts. (If the shaking hands, blurry vision, and spiked body temperature are reliable indicators.) But I'm good at ignoring pain. So if I say it doesn't hurt, then it doesn't.

It doesn't hurt.

Since I don't want the entire post to be about my faulty knees, I'll write something else.

...Shit.
Oh! Oh, I know! I finished one of the edges for the blanket I'm knitting. Got it all attached and everything. Now there's just one more to go and I'm all set. ^^

Can't believe Thanksgiving is this week. Ugh, where did the year go? I still have so much that needs to be done. Speaking of which, I forgot to buy apples the last time I was out grocery shopping. Can't make apple crisp without apples, so I guess another shopping trip is in order. Yay.

What else, what else? Gosh, is my life really that boring when I'm not injuring myself? That's depressing. >.>

Alright. I'm thirsty. I'm going to grab a glass of water, go to bed and pretend that this *flails at knee* didn't happen.

Ciao,

Lynx

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

                                                                                                          --Albert Einstein.

Stuff Happens

Yep. Couldn't think of a better title for the post. Almost wrote the date and left it there.
So. As was predicted, our open house didn't do very well. *shrug* Worth a try though.
Anyway, I later discovered that I had shingles. Which is weird, 'cause I JUST turned 22, and you usually don't get shingles 'til you're fifty or older. But my body's always been kind of weird, so I guess I can't be too puzzled if it suddenly thinks it's fifty. -.-

Oh, right. I'm back in school. Thank God. I've lost so much time. *sigh* I'm not sure there was a right way to handle the house and my schooling without someone getting hurt somewhere along the line. So even though some of my loans are entering repayment, I'll just have to deal. I'll figure it out. I always do.

I can't believe the year is almost over. Lately it just feels like there's not enough time in the day to do everything I need to. That nagging voice in the back of my head keeps not-so-subtly reminding me that I'm taking on way too much, trying to do more than any one person could accomplish, and in an unrealistic amount of time. But, you know, that's the only way I know how to do these things. It's always been like this, so I don't know how to lay off and not work myself into the ground.

I'm not worried about stress; this is nothing new, and no one's dying this time, so that's good. I'll probably get sick from it a few times, but those bouts only last about a week, so I'll be fine.

Today is one of those rare days where I actually have a surprising amount of free time. I'll spend it knitting. I'm almost done with this blanket I'm making-- just the edges to do and it'll be all done. So proud of myself for coming so far on it. And it looks great, too. I'll definitely be taking pictures once it's finished. I just hope I get it done in time to ship out for Christmas. I should... There's not all THAT much left to do. So yeah, I'll just get to that.

Ciao,

Lynx

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is to say 'I don't want to.'"

                                                                                                                  --Lao Tzu

I Messed Up.

It was a mistake to put my schooling on hiatus while we prepared to sell our house and move. I should have stood firm against it. I should have seen this coming. And, at least partially, I did. But damn, that doesn't make it sting any less.

I put my dreams, my future on hold. So we could go after my mom's dreams and plans. I figured that a fresh start in a new place would be good for us both. I just hoped that everything would be over and done with before my mother said "Screw it."

Missed it.
'Cause that's what just happened.

So here I am, trying to drag her butt along to get this house ready for an open house tomorrow. She doesn't think we're going to get any interest.

Of course we won't if we don't even try... And her response was "whatever."
Whatever? WHATEVER?! She's fifty-two frecking years old and the only response she can come up with is whatever?! Gods above, I have patience, and tact, and empathy, but that only goes so far. Especially when she also mentioned that she doesn't care.

Doesn't care about what, exactly?
About the fact that I'm now the one trying to get this thing going again?
Or the one doing the vast majority of the work?
How 'bout how I'm trying to get her motivated and stay optimistic? (Which is really hard, btw)

Is it the house?
She doesn't care if it sells or not?
Well she should've thought about that BEFORE she put it on the damn market.

Or does she not care that I took six (very valuable) months off my schooling so we could have a shot at this?
That's what hurts me the most.
I was willing to do this for her, and now that things are tough and not going perfectly, she "doesn't care."

And I'm supposed to just be okay with that? I'm not. That's a really, awful, hurtful thing to say.

I thought that after everything we've gone through she'd at least understand by now that life doesn't always go the way we plan it to. Sometimes we get dealt a shitty hand, and there's nothing we can do but play it as best we can and hope the next round is better. Guess I overestimated her.

Too bad for me, though, 'cause we're in this, and I'm NOT letting us back out. She might half-ass her way through things and give up when it doesn't go her way, but not me. I finish what I start. I'm gonna sell this house. I'll find a way. And if I can't find a way, then I'll MAKE one. 'Cause that's how I do things.

And on that, I have a floor to mop, and cookies to bake. Let's hope for a few bites on this house tomorrow, yeah? And even if not, I'm not giving up.

Ciao,

Lynx

"I'd rather fight, and lose, then give up without even trying!"

                                                                        --Vanille, Final Fantasy XIII

Dammit...

Dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT. >.<

Seriously, WHAT THE HELL?!

I just dislocated my other knee. Like... Maybe twenty minutes ago. Probably less. This is getting troublesome.
*sigh* Dammit.

I need to talk to someone about this; it can't continue. I won't allow it.

Frustrating. Really, really frustrating. There's always something, isn't there?

For my part, I forced myself up off the floor and made myself walk. I have a crutch at my bedside now, because I'm sure that by tomorrow... well, later today, when I get up, my leg won't be able to bear weight.

My hands are still shaking a bit from the pain of it, but you know... I think my ass hurts more than my leg. I think I hit my bedframe or something on the way down. That's sure to bruise. -.-

It's funny. I don't know whether I should be proud for my stubbornness in getting up so quickly, or if I should call myself a moron. Heh. Probably both.

Great. Frecking peachy. Another three (two, if I can force it) days of being laid up, generally unable to move. ... Didn't I just frecking do this?!

*headdesk* I hate this Gods-damned body.

Good thing I didn't get rid of those stupid crutches... >.>

Lynx

Is This Supposed to be a Joke? 'Cause It's NOT Funny.

On the one hand, you don't want to believe that your own relatives would want to do something like this. Certainly not on purpose. But at the same time, you know them well enough that the situation seems very plausible and you can't force yourself to be surprised.

What is with this family?

My uncle is a contractor. He was the one who did the majority of the renovations to our house in 2010. However, there were a few things left unfinished that we needed him to take care of before we got our house on the market. My mother asked him to handle these things in February, to which he replied that he had a few jobs to finish up before hand. No big deal. Except, February is long gone and he STILL hasn't come to do what he said he was going to. He doesn't have time to fix the ceiling in our garage, but he does have time to drop over and cut my grass (after yelling at me for not getting out at the crack of eight in the morning) for three hours. >.>

While that may be irritating, that's not the cause of my current frustration. We got someone else to fix the ceiling. There was one other thing that my uncle "took care of" for us. We have an out building-- it used to have a pool in it but it's been long filled in. Anyway, the realtor said that we needed to have access to the building, which was a problem since it had been boarded up after some neighborhood brats decided to trespass and blab to their moms about it. Wouldn't ya know, the police were called in to threaten us with a heavy fine if we didn't close off the "dangerous space." Anyway, now that the building needs to be open again, we had to put a door on-- with a lock, obviously-- and we had to practically beg my uncle to do so. He did, and handed us the keys, saying they worked just fine and see you later, etc. We handed off the spare keys to the realtor...

They're the wrong keys. So, in other words, my uncle lied to us, knowing full well that the realtor wouldn't be able to show that building to potential buyers, which could be a deal breaker for many. Maybe it was an accident, and I'd like to believe that it was but... Our relatives have made it quite clear that they're against our moving. (Why it's any of their business I'm not sure.) Knowing that, and how childish and immature these people are known for being... I can't shake the feeling that this was done on purpose.

That's pretty low. To say your doing a favor for your family, then outright lie to them about it so they can't do something you're against. He even accepted the money we paid him for putting the door on. Like it was nothing. Man. Can't even trust my own family anymore, how sad is that?

Ciao,

Lynx

"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool."

                                                                  --Stephen King

Dear Relatives:

YOU are becoming the #1 reason why we want to leave! It's not the weather, the economy, our location or the fact that there are no jobs here... It's the notion of having relatives pop over whenever they please to do whatever...

*sigh*
Apparently my uncle thinks I'm incapable of cutting the grass.
And my aunt (well, everyone, actually) thinks I'm incapable of being a psychologist or finishing college.
What supportive people.

Alright. Ranting done. Unless I find something else to rant about, which is entirely possible.

So May has ended, June and July come and gone, and August almost over and done with. We're still here. The house JUST got put up on the market. Way later than we'd wanted, but I'll take whatever I can get at this point. Hopefully we'll get some offers soon.

June was uneventful. *shrug*

July was almost uneventful, save for the fact that I dislocated and sprained my knee. Yep. And how did I manage this, you ask? Walking. Yep again. So I spent a couple of days on crutches last month, quickly decided that I loathe said crutches and tossed them into my closet. I'm fine now though. Good as new-ish.

Moving on to this month. We got our house up on the market I think two weeks ago. And we've already had three showings. The realtor says that there is a lot of interest in the house and that she thinks it should sell quickly. Good. Except, it could have sold yesterday and it wouldn't have been quick enough for me. I want out of here in the worst way.

Ciao,

Lynx

"Patience is bitter, but it's fruit is sweet."
                                                   --Aristotle

Thoughts Brought On By a Lilac-Scented Breeze

Thoughts and memories drifting in and out...
A smile coming in from my window-- Fresh-cut grass and lilac.
It's lovely. Languid, even. Like my thoughts...
Carried by a warm, gentle breeze.
It's peaceful. Calm. A perfect day to just breathe.
But it's also a perfect day for a thunderstorm.

Beneath that sweet lilac scent, I think I can smell rain.
This must be the calm before the storm.
Another reflection of life. Always changing.

Life, like the weather, has its ups and downs. A warm summer day can quickly turn stormy if the conditions are right. I suppose this is true for people, too.

I see it most at family reunions.

I think the trick to handling life is the same as handling the weather: Enjoy the warm breeze and sunshine, but don't be surprised (or discouraged) when a few storms pop up. Know that the storm will pass .Remember that some storms can come up fast, and sometimes water gets in before we can shut our windows. It's okay. Water dries. Wounds heal.

Sometimes it rains hard, and sometimes for many days. Take solace in knowing that it can't rain forever, and that the sun will shine again, even if it's not quite as soon as we'd sometimes want.

Remember also that what appear to be storm clouds on the horizon may turn out to be nothing more than a summer shower, necessary for those nice smelling lilacs to flourish. Don't sweat the small stuff, as they say.

Enjoy you nice days, accept those summer showers and appreciate everything-- good and bad-- as an indispensable part of life. The grass is only green because it rains. Without the occasional thunderstorm, these lilac-scented breezes just wouldn't be as sweet.

Lynx